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October 23, 2005
Deferment
I really want to make something; (O RLY?!) but, for the first time in a while, lack the motivation to seek out what that is. I don't think it is because I am turning apathetic or am bereft of joy in the creative process but, rather that I am enamored with just observing and letting those snippets live internally. I have so many fantastic essays sitting just beneath my skull, encompassed by gummy grey matter but, lack the urgency to stitch them neatly in vernacular.
This self revelation is both alarming and curious; part of me worries that I am becoming complacent while the other thinks it could just be the calm before the storm. I am, after all, entirely neurotic and afraid of producing anything if it is not of the highest standard (according to my personal rubric of course). I save this energy like a napping house cat waiting for the perfect prey to encroach its peripheral. In fact, just in this moment of writing I am reminded of a similar mentality being present right before having to decide on an idea for my senior show and that whole endeavor turned out swimmingly well.
Posted by Jon at October 23, 2005 11:21 PM