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February 14, 2006
Erasers, Paste and Greeting Card Holidays
You know that saying, 'I'm rubber and you're glue whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.'? It is an insult that seems witty and biting in elementary school but, loses its punch as time goes on; the sort of shallow statement you would respond to an enemy with at recess with the basic understanding that any reasonable person would rather be analogous to erasers and gym flooring than paste or evaporated soda on a linoleum floor. After a little self reflection I've noticed that I change and evolve with each experience I have, unable to control the way it will ultimately alter me. No matter what assertion would be more preferable socially, it's plain to see that I am more like 'glue' and now the goal is to decide if the thought of things sticking to me still carries with it the intended, traditional negative connotation.
Like an unwilling pack-rat of experience I hold onto what I have seen, heard, smelled and touched, storing it away deep underground in the confines of my long-term memory; afraid that if I dispose of my treasured past it will prohibit me from the sort of reminiscential time travel that keeps me amused in dentist waiting rooms and during uninteresting sermons in church. I replay these memories and experiences at random, often reliving them from a different angle: changing the dialogue and body language to cast me, the lead of the film, in a better light and smile contently at my directorial skills as I silently yell 'cut' to signify a successful take.
The more I reflect on these things the more I identify with the mindset of the eight year olds who hurl the insult in question. My collected experience has made me wiser but, also, heavy and burdened; unable to make a fresh impression and leaving a viscous trail of self-doubt in my wake. I used to casually bounce about, unafraid of the consequences of my actions and excited for what the future would hold. Now I tend to over-think everything, ruminating over each possible decision as I try to discern which would be 'best'.
Lately, however, my selfish reveries have taken a back seat as I prepare for Valentine's Day and become aware of how fantastically lucky I am to have found someone who isn't afraid to get her hands a little sticky as she sorts through my layers of contradictory experience. I remain cast in my role of 'paste' but, instead of taking the stage alone she has been reading the lines of the eraser, patiently waiting as I passionately deliver my raw soliloquies only to repeat them back to me in a softer, more sober tone that makes worlds more sense.
Thank you Erin, you are absolutely fantastic.
Posted by Jon at February 14, 2006 12:38 AM